Nor do I play the peacemaker between him and our Mother. If he specifically asks for my opinion, which he doesn’t, I will give it. When I first came to recovery, I was certain steps 8 and 9 would be a breeze. After all, I hadn’t hurt anyone (Step 8), so I didn’t need to make any amends (Step 9).
Prior to joining Amethyst, she served as the Director of Enforcement for a state regulatory body. If you need help with addiction or want to contact Recovered On Purpose, fill out the form below. In cases involving abuse, whether emotional, physical, or sexual, reaching out to apologize can be harmful and counterproductive. Throughout my experience with cancer I often prayed to be given the grace to be vulnerable.
Augustine Recovery
You may also want to tread carefully with toxic family members you must make amends to but need to keep a safe distance from for your sobriety’s sake. These are territories hard to navigate, which is why you need some recovery time and a support network https://ecosoberhouse.com/ to help you. While apologies and making amends may seem similar on the surface, there is a critical distinction between the two. Apologies primarily focus on expressing remorse through words, whereas making amends involves a more profound commitment to translating those words into tangible actions.
How to Start Step 9
Even if you want to justly or correct, allow them the right to express their experiences, feelings and thoughts about the harm. If you have a reaction to their feedback, pause and just listen then share your thoughts about this with your support system, therapist or sponsor. While the process can be challenging, it’s also deeply rewarding. Making amends helps to repair relationships, reduce feelings of guilt, and strengthen your commitment to sobriety.
Don’t settle for an apology.
That’s why it’s important to talk with a sponsor, counselor or recovery coach. You’ll find strength in connection and guidance in shared experience. If someone doesn’t want to connect with you, it’s important to respect their boundaries. Making amends is about accountability, not forcing forgiveness. When you make amends, you’re not just expressing regret; you’re aligning your behavior with your values. That might mean returning something you took, showing up consistently for someone you let down or choosing honesty where there was once deception.
“In addiction recovery there is a lot of trial and error to figure out what works for each person,” says Ellyn Lowry, Clinical Coordinator at Centerstone. When you’re ready to make amends, you can find support to guide you through the process. Connect with 12-Step treatment programs to start planning your recovery. Making amends involves acknowledging and correcting past behaviors. It’s a transformational part of addiction recovery that takes courage, self-awareness, and a willingness to change.
- Unlike mere apologies, which are just words, amends involve actions that align with one’s intentions and personal values, illustrating a commitment to change and personal growth.
- Again, note that Step Nine doesn’t require forgiveness.
- He is a licensed residential home inspector in the state of Florida and relates his unique experience of analyzing a property and/or housing condition to determining any necessary course of action at our facility.
- Addiction is a complex and pervasive disease that extends far beyond the individual struggling with substance abuse.
Success on AA Step 9 is more about following the process with a compassionate attitude than rebuilding every relationship affected by alcohol addiction. Reaffirm living amends when best, and adjust your plan when necessary to keep momentum going. In Al-Anon, Step 9 involves a philosophy of parallel principles for friends and family, meaning a person focuses on their own side of the street and lets others manage their choices and responses to amends as they will. If making amends could create legal or financial consequences for you, it’s best to seek counsel from your sponsor, clinician and partner. Always protect others by avoiding disclosing anything without their permission.
Recovery Advocacy
- My defensive response had left her feeling pushed away and hurt.
- Section 8 of the Affordable Homes Act amends the Zoning Act (M.G.L. c. 40) to allow ADUs up to 900 square feet to be built by right in single-family zoning districts.
- And this would be unfortunate because this is the point at which the Twelve Promises often begin to reveal themselves.
Recovery.com combines independent research with expert guidance on addiction and mental health treatment. Our mission is to help everyone find the best path to living amends definition recovery through the most comprehensive, helpful network of treatment providers worldwide. Join our supportive sober community where each day becomes a step towards personal growth and lasting positive change. In some situations, attempting to make amends may cause more harm than good.
Individualized Treatment
That action can and probably should have two parts to it. The first, which Hawkins outlined, is about “making things right” with the injured person. The second part concerns understanding why it happened and how to prevent it from happening again. With restitution, you aim to return anything taken from its rightful owner back to that owner. With restoration, you aim to bring something back to what it formerly was.
What Are Delirium Tremens? Understanding This Serious Alcohol Withdrawal Condition
These are all selfless examples of how making indirect amends can help to heal a situation. To make direct amends to such people, it’s important to approach them sincerely and acknowledge the damage done. You should express your regret for past behaviors and be willing to accept their feelings, understanding that you cannot control how they respond. Drug rehabilitation Again, you can choose direct, indirect, or living amends.
And if there is still some way to fix the harm you did, even in his absence, consider it. By this point, you’ve identified someone to whom you need to make amends. In some way, you’ve already taken responsibility by admitting that you caused the other person harm. But it also might help to name the actions you took that caused that harm.